治療師的懺悔與祈禱

Salman Rushdie 曾說,要理解一個人,你必須吞下整個世界

  1. 對不起,我騙了你也自己騙自己,差點騙自己說心理師是神,明明只能聽懂一點點卻好想把你的症狀全部消除;其實你良心不安,我卻勸你換個角度想,但我沒有資格與權利。我常常不懂裝懂:你的委屈與生氣,你的困惑與矛盾,你的無奈與無力,你的懼怕與盡力…我試著理解,但終究無法明白,你的人生我只能同行,無法共享。我希望你能體會我對你的關心。
  2. 對不起,其實人間沒那麼簡單,也不是遊樂園。你濫用了責任我卻視若無睹,當你「為所欲為」使人受苦時我還幫腔地成為共犯;當你受牽連時我陪你打抱不平…,我承認心底閉上ㄧ隻眼而顛倒是非;無知不等於無罪,有時,你的執著冰封自我刁難了自己也苦了關心你的人而使自己陷在其中;有時你的反智正是你受苦的來源。這些話,我卻出於婦人之仁與諮商員不該給建議的原則而不敢告訴你。我希望,你能明白我對你的相信。
  1. 對不起,我難鼓起勇氣以愛心說誠實話給你良心建議,你明明多次告訴我你其實很不舒服,悠哉度日的背後…,爽的背後…、耍廢的背後…、算了…、沒差…、不知道…的背後,其實你一直在向我求救,我卻不敢回應你,我裝作什麼也沒看見,因為我擔心自己的力量不夠,其實我的擔心可能沒錯,諮商真的不是萬能。我希望你能明白我的善意。
  2. 對不起,其實生命沒那麼浪漫也沒有那麼簡單。人生從不是一帆風順,成長的過程:有跌跌撞撞,有苦惱困頓糾結,會讓很多人失望,會讓很多人刮目相看、笑掉大牙、跌破眼鏡…甚至有那麼一天,對自己也好失望,生命有起落走兩步,退三步,前進三步又退兩步,一下子明白,又會轉為模糊。但我好想讓你好受一點,而有時不敢全部告訴你。我的等候願你明白。
  3. 對不起,有個事實,我還沒告訴你,愛中其實會混亂、會懼怕、會跌倒、會軟弱,有時愛甚至會失敗,愛到讓人失去名聲、失去金錢、失去地位、失去健康、失去自由…但沒告訴你全部的真相。原諒我的保留因為我怕你承受不住。
  4. 對不起,有時我自己的經驗阻礙了我看你的視線,經驗的落差明明還來不及消化、組織、統整、轉化…,但我知道你急著想問我,我也隨便地回了你,你我都知道這並不踏實,只是誰也沒講開。
  5. 其實我也只是個充滿限制的人,我從不完美、我可能有錯、有罪、也有病。我不是神,雖然你好希望我是。但我,不是。對不起,最後一句好重要,雖然我不完美,但我覺得接納不完美,比成為完美更重要。我發現,當我下凡之後,承認自己是人,你也有了下凡的勇氣,正視你自己與接納你自己。偷偷告訴你,原來有些時刻,是你用了你的生命故事教導了我一些人生道理,某些片刻,你成了諮商師,我成了個案。對不起,也謝謝你。
  6. 我們倆其實不是天生就會當人,當人也需要學習,當自我敢於慢慢真實呈現,不需要以社會的標準(健康、對錯、美醜、成熟幼稚、粗糙細緻)來評斷,而「演出」完全符合社會期望的行為。畢竟人生只能活一遭,不是機器只為了工具性的存在,還有存在性的價值。 人的自尊也是從不物化自己開始生成?所以,犯錯也是正常的嗎?但我們都有勇氣再往前踏出一些些,給自己一點點的機會

The Truth must dazzle gradually Or every man be blind —Emily Dickinson
「真理的光只能逐步透射,否則人都要變瞎。」艾蜜莉 狄金生

橋接心靈的生命後花園

進入生命體會,讓生命向自己開始說話

當我每次進入諮商室,我的目的不是去教導或修正甚至修理、修改,而是去理解生命和促進可能性。這反映了我實務工作中的一個核心價值:案主和治療師之間的權力應該是平衡的,避免將案主僅僅視為對象、破碎待修例的物品,而是活生生的生命。在我看來,心理治療不僅僅是一種「炫技的把戲」,而是一次真正進入人類經驗核心的旅程。

人有盲點,不必刻意挑選話題,答案自己會跑來找你


諮商會談不僅僅是在有限的時間與空間下的角色互動;它們是深入人類心靈的深刻旅程。作為一名初出茅廬的治療師,我學會了謙虛和洞察力地導航這個旅程。受到傅斯年「一天只有21小時,因為剩下的3小時是用來反思」這一觀點的影響,我會留出時間和空間來思考我的行動和決定。正如Margaret Rioch在1976年所建議的那樣,這種反思實踐對於理解不僅僅是我們的案主,而且還包括我們自己,至關重要。「如果治療師不知道他們潛在地是殺人犯、騙子和懦夫,他們就無法在治療上處理案主中的這些潛力。」(Margaret Rioch,1976)

受傷的療癒者,症狀是種呼喚


在治療中,我們經常遇到標籤化的困境。雖然在心理學中診斷標籤可以簡化分類,但它們也有可能使個體非人性化,特別是那些來自少數群體的個體。將人不斷歸類到不同疾病的做法是心理治療的一大挑戰,我們應該看見診斷背後的人,而非僅是標籤。

成為治療師的路途並不是一帆風順的。我所面臨的健康和非主流性取向的掙扎,深刻地影響了我的治療方式。這些經歷教會了我同理心和理解的重要性,讓我能夠在更個人的層面上與案主建立聯繫。當治療若真實現身會有益時,我會對我的案主透露我的身份和經歷。這種開放性有助於建立信任和「母子一體」的關係,這在治療關係中至關重要。然而,我也認識到維持專業界限的重要性,並確保自我揭露始終符合案主的最佳利益。

相信當下、互動、經驗:無聲勝有聲,盡在不言中

沙盤治療透過摸沙、搓沙、揉沙、挑選物件和擺設沙盤等活動,人們能夠創造出各種浮現在腦海中的內在意象,從而喚醒和支持內在的自我療癒力量,以獲得情感深層轉化的機會。讓我們從過去的回憶中,找到力量回到現在;從畫面中,直接感受與體會。

在沙盤治療中,不需要刻意選擇話題,因為每個人內在的世界都是廣闊無垠的,而生活中遇到的困難只是小島。沙盤治療可以幫助人們看到自己的力量,並透過積極想像的形式來進行自我療癒,常常在製作沙盤之後會有意想不到的驚喜發現。

沙盤治療是一種非語言性質的治療方式,通過沙盤和模型物件來表達內心感受,這比單純的語言表達更加直接,同時也不會擔心說錯話或透露事件隱私,也不會讓心理治療成為一種抬槓或爭辯的口水戰。讓我們身心安頓、踏實、平靜,一點一滴慢慢拾回遺失的自己。

安靜地陪伴自己的內心,等待內心的成長、療癒和茁壯


我的專業理念植根於與案主同在他們的「現象場」的哲學。這涉及放下所有的假設和推測,從而真正理解他們的內心世界。這種立場幫助我區分主觀思想和客觀事實,保持謙遜和開放。這樣做,我慶祝每個人的獨特性,呼應了「當你看到人們時/遇見自己時,你應該慶祝」的情感。

在治療中,理解案主整體是至關重要的:澄清案主的追求和掙扎,根據他們獨特的生命背景制定專屬的治療地圖,相信案主的故事,並陪伴他們踏上一段尊重他們過去、參與他們現在並為未來做好準備的旅程。既然是旅程,就有方向、有沿途風景可以欣賞…


What’s in a Session?

In each session, I enter not with the intention to teach or fix, but to understand and facilitate. This approach reflects a core belief in my practice: the power dynamic between client and therapist should be balanced, avoiding the risk of reducing clients to mere subjects. Psychotherapy, to me, is not a mere ‘God’s trick’ but a genuine journey into the heart of human experience.

Sessions are more than just time-bound interactions; they are a profound journey into the human psyche. As a budding therapist, I’ve learned to navigate this journey with humility and insight. Influenced by Fu Ssu-nien’s notion of dedicating time to reflection, 

Fu Ssu-nien said  “There are only 21 hours in a day because the remaining 3 hours is for reflection,” 


I set aside time and space to think over my actions and decisions. This reflective practice, as Margaret Rioch suggested in 1976, is crucial in understanding not just our clients, but also ourselves.

“If therapists do not know that they are potentially murderers, crooks, and cowards, they cannot deal therapeutically with these potentialities in their clients.” (Margaret Rioch, 1976)

In therapy, we often encounter the dilemma of labeling. While labels in abnormal psychology can simplify categorization, they also risk dehumanizing individuals, especially those from minority groups. The pitfalls is of aspect of my practice constantly grouping people into categories is a challenge to look beyond labels and see the person behind the diagnosis.

 

Who We Are and What We Bring – From Therapists Around the World

My journey to becoming a therapist was not a straightforward one. My experience of being obese, gay, and gifted as a child has shaped my outlook.  The struggles I faced due to my health and non -mainstream sexual orientation have taught me the importance of empathy and understanding, allowing me to connect with clients on a more personal level.

I am open with my clients about my identity and experiences when it’s therapeutically beneficial. This transparency helps build trust and rapport, essential in a therapeutic relationship. However, I also recognize the importance of maintaining professional boundaries and ensure that self-disclosure always serves the client’s best interests.

My professional ethos is rooted in the philosophy of being with the client in their ‘phenomenal field.’ It involves shedding all presumptions and assumptions, thereby truly understanding their inner world. This stance helps me distinguish between subjective thoughts and objective facts, staying grounded in humility and openness. In doing so, I celebrate each person’s uniqueness, echoing the sentiment, “When you see people, you should celebrate.”

Navigating Personal and Cultural Dynamics in Therapy

My personal and cultural characteristics have both facilitated and complicated therapy sessions. Sharing similar experiences with clients can create a deeper sense of understanding and empathy. However, it also presents the challenge of maintaining objectivity and not projecting my experiences onto the client.

In therapy, my primary focus is on the client’s needs and experiences, rather than on my own. This client-centered approach ensures that therapy remains a safe and supportive space for exploration and growth.

I advocate for real, client-centered psychotherapy, where understanding the client as a whole is paramount. This approach guides me in clarifying clients’ pursuits and struggles, forming a therapeutic map based on their unique contexts. It’s about believing in the clients’ stories and accompanying them on a journey that respects their past, engages with their present, and prepares them for the future.

 



How My Life Experiences Led Me to Violet’s Work

My path to Violet’s work was shaped by a deep-seated belief in the transformative power of therapy. My own experiences with counseling, both as a client and a therapist, have shown me the importance of a compassionate, client-centered approach. Violet’s work resonates with my belief in the therapeutic process’s potential to heal and empower.

I am constantly reminded that I am not above the storms my clients face; I am in the middle of them, ready to go wherever the therapeutic journey leads. This perspective keeps me grounded and reminds me of my own journey towards Violet’s work – a path marked by empathy, resilience, and an unwavering belief in the human spirit.

 

Emphasis on Reflection and Introspection

Reflecting on my childhood and early experiences has been instrumental in shaping my therapeutic approach. This introspection has led me to question not just my actions but also the broader implications of those actions on my clients’ well-being. It’s a constant balancing act between following theoretical frameworks and listening to what the client truly needs.

Dilemmas in Therapy: Frameworks vs. Client Needs

I face a constant dilemma: should I adhere to theoretical frameworks or truly listen to clients? While frameworks provide structure, they should not overshadow the client’s voice. I remind myself, “You are the skills. You already are powerful and kind. This is not teachable.”This belief in the inherent strengths of my clients shapes my therapy approach, focusing on resilience and potential rather than just pathology.

Therapy Objectives and Assessments

In my practice, I am wary of making therapy excessively objective-oriented, as this can reduce the client to a mere tool for achieving predetermined goals. Therapy is not just about fixing symptoms; it’s about understanding the whole person and their journey. This understanding guides my assessments, ensuring they align with the client’s personal growth and direction.

 

Conclusion: Navigating the Therapy Journey

In conclusion, my journey as a therapist is an ongoing process of learning, reflection, and growth. Each session is an opportunity to not only help my clients but also to deepen my understanding of the human experience. Through this journey, I aim to remain open, empathetic, and committed to the well-being of those I serve.